Coaching Clients Through Resistance
A few months ago, I wrote about client empathy, wherein I said that client resistance isn’t an if, it’s a when.
Coaching is a deeply rewarding profession, but it has its challenges – from the mad dash to stay on top of current research to the necessity of marketing and promoting your business, to the annoying technical aspects. (Why is my email marketing program not formatting my message correctly? Which web-based scheduling program is the best for the money?)
But perhaps no challenge is more troublesome than client resistance and non-compliance.
You can cajole clients until you’re blue in the face to take zinc (it really does help heal the lining of the gut and balance hormones!) or ditch Diet Coke, but clients often drag their heels, proffer endless (and seemingly valid) excuses, collect “expert opinion” (however feeble) that supports an opposite view, or flat out refuse.
Behavior change IS hard, especially when it involves saying goodbye to a beloved food or working out less when extreme exercise has been a lifeline through difficult times. No one wants to make these changes (at least at first) and who can blame them? They can be challenging, and often times, they’re no fun.
So the question becomes: How can you, as a coach, help clients make changes without suffering burnout yourself? (For tips on avoiding burnout, see my Coach Self-Care post.)
Your most powerful tool is…questions.
Beyond reminding clients that the only effective changes are the ones they actually make and that making changes will get significantly easier once they start to feel better, your best approach is to pull them along with self-inquiry.
With this approach, they have to excavate their own personal reasons and motivations for wanting to change and that process accomplishes two things: it’s less work for you, as the coach, but, most importantly, it’s a vastly more effective way to foster behavior change.
When they come up with their own ideas or are inspired by their own personal vision for the future, they are MUCH more likely to make changes.
No one likes to be told what to do, which is how clients may perceive our advice – no matter gently we give it. So, plant the seeds of change by sharing some of your knowledge and then let them do the rest by asking questions like these:
What would you be willing to try? Or: What would you be willing try instead of _______?
Where would be a realistic place to start?
What is one thing you might do?
What has worked for you in the past? Possible follow up: What was that experience like for you? How did you feel then?
If you could wave a magic wand and be where you want to be in 5 years, what would that future look like?
What inspired you to seek out my help right now?
What do you envision happening if you don’t make this change?
What do you envision happening if you do make this change?
On a scale of 1 to 10 [1 being not-at-all helpful and 10 being unbelievably helpful], how much do you think making ______________ change will help you? If the answer is anything over a 1, follow up with: Why didn’t you say “1”? This forces the client to argue your point for you! They now need to convince you why making the change isn’t a total waste.
If you were to decide to make __________ change, what would you have to do to make it happen?
What is the worst thing you think will happen if you make this change?
What is the best thing you think will happen if you make this change?
If you make this change, how would your life be different from what it is today?
What are your strengths? Or: What are you good at? Follow up with: How could you use those strengths to help make this change?
What are three good things that would come from making this change?
What do you really, really want?
What are you most hoping to get out of our work together?
How serious are you about your health goals?
Why is your goal important to you?
What is most important to you about your goal? What MUST happen?
What is the price of making this change? Follow with: Are you willing to pay that price?
When you get questions working for you, you do less work and your client experiences greater results. It’s a win-win!
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